Maddie’s Mouth

My Grandma just called with a suggestion that I should keep a running journal of funny things my daughter says. She’s right, I SHOULD.. because Maddie is such a character, and what she says is just so funny, it deserves to be preserved.  I can’t promise that anyone that doesn’t know me or Maddie will find these funny… but I couldn’t think of a better place to put them.

Some of them will be dated…. some of them won’t, because I don’t remember the date they happened.  If you know of any.. please let me know, and I’ll post them here!

The last time my grandparents were up visiting, Maddie was over my mom visiting with them all.  At one point Maddie was looking for something (a toy? one of my grandparents?) and said, “I can’t find them everywhere!”

Once, a few months ago, when Maddie was ill with a cough, she coughed so much she threw up a little bit.  Not knowing the correct term, she turned to me and said, “what happened mom, I spilled?”

2/25/09: Ash Wednesday: we went to the early morning mass and sat in the main part of the Church (Maddie promised she’d be good).  At one point in the mass, the Church and Deacon returned the unused ashes into the sacristy, and Maddie exclaimed, “where’d the church man go mom?”

2/26/09:  Today my mom took Maddie to school as a favor- the first time she’s ever done so.  Maddie, being so excited to show grandma around, introduced her to the teacher, Mrs. Garry saying, “Mrs. Garry, this is my friend Grandma!”

3/11/09- Maddie woke up from a nap- she must have had a floaty in her eye, because she said, “mom, I have a spider in my eye.”

5/4/09- We were getting ready to leave the house this morning.  John was getting Maddie into her coat.  She said to him, “daddy you’re big and you have hair just like a boy!”

7/25/09- Mom, I have to close my door so the dogs don’t go in and take a shit.

9/1/09-  On my growing belly, “mommy, you look like Ursula, the sea witch!’

9/22/09- “mommy, I have a fucking booboo”

12/15/10- Regarding her brother crying, “mom, that fucking baby”

1/17/2010- Maddie was excited to be getting an oil change at the car dealership- so much so, that she was super enthusiastic to get out of the car.  I was taking my time, signing paperwork and Maddie said, “mom, I can’t get out of this fucking car seat!”

3/15/10-  While we were at the library signing up for the state-sponsored health insurance plan (which was a nightmare) Maddie said to the lady, “my grandma has big cannons”

4/1/10- Regarding her brother, “mom, I don’t want Joel anymore I want a sister”.   Me, “but we have Joel now, what are we supposed to do with him?” Maddie, “give him to grandma, she doesn’t have any babies”

4/6/10- At the diner, Maddie said to another patron, “the hotdogs at Friendly’s taste like butt” (she’s right, but still).

          Regarding her friends at school and getting married: me, “do you want to get married to one of the boys at school?  How about Ian?”  Maddie, “well, he isn’t hairy like daddy.  He is a boy, but he doens’t have that much hair.”

         At the park:  “Mommy, get away from me you fongul.”



  1. today autumn said, you have a big butt on your hiney. so i said, well you have a little butt and she said, that’s not a nice thing to say. you shouldn’t say things like that, mommy.

  2. ROFL- that last one is classic!!!

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