Posted by: dinainsuburbia | June 19, 2010

school days…

My baby girl finished her first year of school today.  Preschool has come and gone.  We suffered through tears and major separation anxiety.  I thought she’d never want to go to school and that I was ruining her for life, creating a girl that would never want to go to school all because of her preschool experience.

I dropped Maddie off that first week and she was shy and unsure of herself.  She had never been with anyone that wasn’t a family member or 1000% trusted.  She was never in a “group” environment where she had to compete for the attention of the caregiver.  I wound up having to sit with her in class that first week.  She was clingy and nervous.  So was I.

I was pregnant with Joel and I knew, for Maddie’s sake, that this had to work out.  I knew, once Joel came into the world, that Maddie would need something “her own”, a place she could go to and have fun and experience “new things” where the new baby wouldn’t be horning in on her.

I’m so happy to say that preschool worked out better than I could have ever anticipated.  She’s so much more confident and self assured now- exactly what I wanted her to be.  AND she’s potty trained (which I fully credit to her teachers)!  When I think about last September- our first parent meeting, the teacher asked what we wanted our children to “get out” of preschool.  I answered, “for my daughter to be secure and comfortable with herself in a group setting.”

Boy is she ever.

What a bitter sweet day.  I catch myself getting ready to cry- it’s going too fast!  It isn’t fair.. I want life to slow down.  She is so beautiful and precious and dear to me.  She’s grown so much this year, and I suppose what upsets me the most is that I know the next year will go even faster!  When you have your head down and you’re in the thick of parenting, life zooms by.  Another year gone.  This is a great reminder to live in the moment because it does all go so fast- and all of it- the great, the not-so-great.. it’s ALL beautiful and worth attention.

I think of the beginning of the year, how nervous I was that it wasn’t going to work out- and how my Grandpa would ask me how Maddie was going.. and now I can’t tell him that she finished.  I can’t reflect on this experience with him.  It makes me so sad because I know how proud he would be and that he would get a kick out of it all.  It’s times like this that his presence is missed so, so much.

To my sweet little girl-

I love you so, so much.  I’m so proud of you.  You break my heart and swell it up so that it is about to burst- all at the same time.  There are no words in this language to tell you how much I love you and how much life you’ve brought to Daddy and me, and everyone else lucky enough to be touched by you- your smiles and your unbearably cute dimples!  You are growing so fast, I can’t take it.  It makes my heart ache!  You have come so far this year…we both have.  I know this is just the beginning of your journey, but the distance you’ve come so far is so amazing!  It’s such a privilege to watch you grown and learn!

love, Mommy.

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