Posted by: dinainsuburbia | April 15, 2010

things that parents say….

Gosh, so much has happened today that I can blog about, I’m not sure where to start or what the “theme” of today really should be….

Today we met Maddie’s BFF from school at McDonald’s for a short play date (there’s that term again- play date… gag).  After Maddie ate, and subsequently jacked herself in the face with a metal swivel chair (yeah, that bruise is going to rock- she’s going to look like a prize fighter that went the distance), we went into the play area…. you know the kind with those crazy up-in-the air contraptions?  At least, at 3 1/2, she’s old enough to master it by herself; last year I had to haul my rear end up the one in Burger King and almost went claustrophobic!  I had to ask a 5-year-old which way the slide was as I was lost.  He looked at me like I was a complete and utter tart.  I had a foreboding thought that I’d read about myself in the paper next day, “West Babylon fire department was called yesterday at 1pm in response to a rescue needed at the local Burger King.  A mother’s fat-ass got stuck in the hamster tubing trying to retrieve her child.”

Anyway… Maddie, at 3 1/2, is a master of the damn thing… until… well… until I saw that she had peed her pants.  Yes, that’s right… peed her pants IN THE FARKING MCDONALD’S PLAY GYM.  Now, not a major pee… but a teeny pee… like either she had swamp ass… or she peed.  It was sort of obvious.  So how embarrassing is THAT?  It’s already embarrassing enough… but we were on a FARKING PLAYDATE (ugh)!

I’m not sure if any of the other parents knew (after all, what kind of parent stares at another kid’s crotch… at least not the kind of parents that are allowed within 100 yards of children) but I was a little mortified.  It seemed, though, that all the parents there had the same problem.. and I suppose it’s THE problem of parenting.. kids just. don’t. listen. period.

My all-time favorite parenting quip is, “*insert name here* come here right now or else I’m leaving you here”.  I find it funny because it’s something that we all say, but would NEVER do.  (Although there WAS that one lady- an attorney I believe, that actually did pull over and drop her kids on the side of the road- I think it was the Saw Mill?  She is my idol… although I don’t envy the fact that she got either jail time or parole…. the kids were both over 10- I think that’s old enough to walk home on a major parkway, don’t you?)

While in the McD’s play place I heard that one twice…. which leads me to believe if you are a parent of small ones (and hell, big ones too) you are quite often holding yourself together by a thread.  Hell, I know I am!


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