Posted by: dinainsuburbia | July 22, 2009

pooptastic

There has been a certain feeling of desperation around our house lately… desperate to get Maddie potty trained.  She is, after all, 2 3/4 years old (3 in October).  She’ll be starting school in September 3 times a week (although the teacher said she didn’t *really* have to be fully trained by then).  Then, the big huge one- the addition of baby 2 come December.  I DO NOT WANT TWO CHILDREN IN DIAPERS.  

I just envision myself elbow deep in shitty diapers (and seriously, I’m not looking forward to those newborn mustard shits- although they do smell way better than Maddie’s “I eat like an adult” shits).  They’re also ridiculously expensive- $40.00 for 100 diapers.  That lasts us about 2 1/2 weeks- so a little less than $20/week.  Couple that with the added expense of formula (back off breastfeeding nazis) and I see our savings account dwindling before we can say, “shitty diaper”.  

I went online and reviewed the “signs you know your child is ready to toilet train.”  

  1. Able to walk well on own- um… and run, and climb, and jump.. check!
  2. Aware of what’s going on in diaper.. okay here too- actually just before Maddie announced she pooped and brought over a diaper and wipes for a change.  Major check!
  3. She’s interested in what goes on in the bathroom- what does this mean?  She’s way beyond playing with the toilet bowl- and she’s way more interested in watching Oswald than watching me poop.  Maybe we missed the boat on this one?
  4. She’s not caught up in saying no to everything you request… hmmmm ALMOST.  I do think “no” is her automatic answer of choice, unless the question is, “Maddie would you like a piece of expensive European chocolate?” and then the answer is, of course, HELL YEAH!
  5. She feels friendly towards her potty.. what the hell does this even mean?  Has she asked to take it to the supermarket with us or to sleep?  Um.. no.
  6. She understands when you ask her, “do you need to go to the potty?” Of course she understands that!  She also can sing most of the songs of Mary Poppins by heart!  The question is- am I smart enough to understand HER!
  7. She’s fascinated by putting things into containers.. um yeah, maybe when she was 1 1/2.. damn, I think I missed the potty training window.
  8. She’s proud when she can do something all by herself… yes.. but I think there is something that she likes about being changed.. Just like I’d rather have a pedicure than paint my own toenails (not that I can reach them really good right now anyway).
  9. Her diaper is dry/clean after a couple of hours… this kid is a mad urinator- I think we need to cut down on her juice liquid consumption- but in the summer I get nervous about dehydration.
  10. She’s interested in big girl underpants- this is a big one.. she LOVES big girl underpants- she WANTS to wear the Dora and Tinkerbell ones purchased for her.. but she pees in them anyway (and poos.. yuck).

So.. based on the above information what do you think? Ready or no?  I think I missed the boat and she should’ve been trained last summer before she went all “I’m 2 and know better than you” on me.  Last summer she was way more willing to do what I say- now, not so much.

Last week when we got home, I took her pants off and let her walk around in the buff.  She took a deuce on the potty and a pee and I thought all was good.  So I left her in the natural.  Well, apparently that deuce was just part one.. and she crapped ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM.  I mean it- she shit in like 3 different places, then stepped in it, and tracked it over the house!  I thought someone let a German Shepherd in my room with loose bowels.  Nothing like being pregnant and cleaning shit off the floor and carpet on hand and knee.

So what I want to know is- where is the list that tells a parent if THEY are ready to potty train their kid?  Because I’m seriously unprepared.

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