pooptastic

There has been a certain feeling of desperation around our house lately… desperate to get Maddie potty trained.  She is, after all, 2 3/4 years old (3 in October).  She’ll be starting school in September 3 times a week (although the teacher said she didn’t *really* have to be fully trained by then).  Then, the big huge one- the addition of baby 2 come December.  I DO NOT WANT TWO CHILDREN IN DIAPERS.  

I just envision myself elbow deep in shitty diapers (and seriously, I’m not looking forward to those newborn mustard shits- although they do smell way better than Maddie’s “I eat like an adult” shits).  They’re also ridiculously expensive- $40.00 for 100 diapers.  That lasts us about 2 1/2 weeks- so a little less than $20/week.  Couple that with the added expense of formula (back off breastfeeding nazis) and I see our savings account dwindling before we can say, “shitty diaper”.  

I went online and reviewed the “signs you know your child is ready to toilet train.”  

1. Able to walk well on own- um… and run, and climb, and jump.. check!
2. Aware of what’s going on in diaper.. okay here too- actually just before Maddie announced she pooped and brought over a diaper and wipes for a change.  Major check!
3. She’s interested in what goes on in the bathroom- what does this mean?  She’s way beyond playing with the toilet bowl- and she’s way more interested in watching Oswald than watching me poop.  Maybe we missed the boat on this one?
4. She’s not caught up in saying no to everything you request… hmmmm ALMOST.  I do think “no” is her automatic answer of choice, unless the question is, “Maddie would you like a piece of expensive European chocolate?” and then the answer is, of course, HELL YEAH!
5. She feels friendly towards her potty.. what the hell does this even mean?  Has she asked to take it to the supermarket with us or to sleep?  Um.. no.
6. She understands when you ask her, “do you need to go to the potty?” Of course she understands that!  She also can sing most of the songs of Mary Poppins by heart!  The question is- am I smart enough to understand HER!
7. She’s fascinated by putting things into containers.. um yeah, maybe when she was 1 1/2.. damn, I think I missed the potty training window.
8. She’s proud when she can do something all by herself… yes.. but I think there is something that she likes about being changed.. Just like I’d rather have a pedicure than paint my own toenails (not that I can reach them really good right now anyway).
9. Her diaper is dry/clean after a couple of hours… this kid is a mad urinator- I think we need to cut down on her juice liquid consumption- but in the summer I get nervous about dehydration.
10. She’s interested in big girl underpants- this is a big one.. she LOVES big girl underpants- she WANTS to wear the Dora and Tinkerbell ones purchased for her.. but she pees in them anyway (and poos.. yuck).

So.. based on the above information what do you think? Ready or no?  I think I missed the boat and she should’ve been trained last summer before she went all “I’m 2 and know better than you” on me.  Last summer she was way more willing to do what I say- now, not so much.

Last week when we got home, I took her pants off and let her walk around in the buff.  She took a deuce on the potty and a pee and I thought all was good.  So I left her in the natural.  Well, apparently that deuce was just part one.. and she crapped ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM.  I mean it- she shit in like 3 different places, then stepped in it, and tracked it over the house!  I thought someone let a German Shepherd in my room with loose bowels.  Nothing like being pregnant and cleaning shit off the floor and carpet on hand and knee.

So what I want to know is- where is the list that tells a parent if THEY are ready to potty train their kid?  Because I’m seriously unprepared.

 

hormonal and what not

I would be lying if I didn’t fess up and say that this pregnancy has totally made me a head case.  I am really trying to maintain a level head but my mood can turn in an instant- and it’s slightly scary!

Just sitting here trying to think of a fun topic to write about has me stressing.. how ridiculous is that! 

Because I don’t have the emotional fortitude to sit down and come up with something brilliant (like my 4th of July post, seriously- that was good, right?)… I’m just gonna rattle off a list of crap that has been going on or I’ve noticed.

1)  Last week at my perinatologist appointment I was reading a feature in TIME magazine about marriage and came across a quote that was super meaningful to me, and slightly vindicating in the face of all the divorces out there:  “a lasting marriage is the reward, usually, of hard work and self sacrifice.”  I don’t think, as a society, we much have the “stuff” it takes to self sacrifice anymore.  Or, if anything, it isn’t exactly taught to us.  We’ve somehow become an instant gratification society- in addition we always want to be happy.  If we aren’t happy all the time, we move on.  When I read this I thought “a ha!!!” …  I’d like to think John and I have a great marriage- but it certainly isn’t easy and it isn’t always fun.. but it is ALWAYS worth it.

2)  Again at the perinatologist- apparently the blood flow to the placenta isn’t where it should be.  So, if it doesn’t pick up next week, I’ll have to take the Lovenox shots 2 times a day instead of just one.  God help my poor bruised stomach.

3)  Waiting on line today at the McDonald’s drive thru Maddie impatiently demanded that I “go go go”.  I said I couldn’t, we had to wait our turn.  She said, “no mommy it IS our turn.”  I said no, we have to wait.  She said, “mother fuck, what the hell.”  I guess they really ARE sponges.

4)  Speaking of Maddie- she’s just the most delicious little girl- and even though my nerves are completely shot from this pregnancy and I have a really short fuse… she’s SUCH a good girl!  She’s also really super funny (cussing aside) and I’m so proud to be her mama.  I hope I’m not completely ruining her world by giving her a sibling.  I just have visions one day down the road her saying, “mom, what the hell- why’d you have to have another, wasn’t I enough?”  And I guess it’s because she is enough, we were compelled to have another!

 

grand ole flag

Sorry that MJ preempted my 4th of July post yesterday; it was just too poignant a moment to pass up.  And, as I posted yesterday, his music is almost definitive of my childhood, that I couldn’t help but say something, even IF- with all the media coverage- there really is nothing left to be said.

Forth of July- another one of those childhood memory inducing holidays- maybe even more so than Christmas. Remember how excited you were for the 4th?  Off school for the first few weeks, the possibilities of summer spread out before you.  Hot weather, swimming, adults liquored up and more permissive than usual.  What WASN’T there to look forward too!

When I was younger, my Dad was a self-proclaimed Grucci  (or, as Dad thought, Gucci) Family member (Grucci are big fireworks people here on the East Coast); buying fireworks from his “secret” source and setting them off much to the delight of the kids and the neighbors.  It seemed, at the time, his fireworks were just as sophisticated as his professional counterparts, and I remember him boasting he spent $300?  $500? on fireworks (back in 1983 – that was a lot of money.. someone’s rent payment even)?   We’d spend the first part of the day swimming in my cousin’s pool.. getting all water logged and pliable; making up countless games and expending more energy than I probably can muster today.  We were surrounded by extended family- aunts, uncles, and more cousins- a grouping that, now that we are older, don’t get to see each other that much- having families and responsibilities of our own.  

The day went on forever, as days do when you’re waiting for night.  We’d celebrate the arrival of the fireflies with glee ’cause that meant just a few hours more until the firework show.  We’d take dibs on who got to retrieve the parachute men that came down from a few of the fireworks (these were actually silly, low-impact fireworks- but us kids loved them if only to chase down those parachute men).  Finally, it was time to go down to the lake.. where my dad set off the fireworks.  We’d bring towels and snacks and swim away the last moments of daylight while my dad setup his spectacular.  Looking back, this was probably my dad’s favorite holiday too- at the time he was young- 32? 35? – about my age now.  And he really got a kick of being the “man” and showing off his firework skills.  When I close my eyes I can see his Cheshire Cat grin as he ran away from the just-lit fuse.  

There is something about the 4th that brings everyone together- family, friends, neighbors.  Sitting last Friday night on the lawn of the Amityville library, you could sense the underlying electricity of excitement and anticipation among not only the children but the adults.  Cause- maybe if it is only for one day- we are all the same. We are all Americans- and it’s that one unifying concept that brings us all together, regardless of what our differences may be every other day of the year.

This Forth was Maddie’s first exposure to fireworks; last year we didn’t get to see any- and she was still a little too long to stay up until 9:30-10:00 pm anyway.  This year I was DETERMINED to get the kid to a firework show.  Why does it always seem like we’re scrambling last minute to get to the show on time (and why is it also that we never *quite* know what time the fireworks are set off)?  Alas, we got to shows both on the 3rd AND 4th (lucky girl) and Maddie was transfixed by the sites and sounds.  

THIS is what makes it all worthwhile- being a parent that is: the craziness, the frustrations, all the good stuff and yes, the bad stuff rolled into one- when you watch your child’s face as they watch THEIR first fireworks.. it’s just, well.. priceless!

 

mj

Phew.  What a sad day.  I wasn’t going to write about it.. and I know a lot of people (myself included) think that the coverage was completely overblown (hello- Iran? North Korea?  Anything?)- but I’m going to miss Michael Jackson.  Seriously- even though I really haven’t listened to his music in quite some while (well, aside from Off the Wall which is, in my opinion, way better than Thriller) he was a big part of my life.  At least my childhood.

I know a lot of people feel the same way- especially those between 30 and 60.  Michael Jackson’s music was a BIG part of our lives.  Even with all of his personal issues and the “weirdness” surrounding his life- we loved his music.

I was working at Tower Records when HIStory came out- summer of 1995.. one of the best summers I had and the BEST summer job I ever had as well.  Even though at that point I was more into Rage Against the Machine and Ministry, I did rock-out to HIStory when it was played in-store.  Seriously- how can you help but rock out to Rock With You, Man in the Mirror, or Wanna be Startin’ Somethin’.  You can’t.

Mostly- the Off the Wall and Thriller songs instantly bring me back to childhood: of driving in the car with my parents.  Birthday parties.  Going to the summer fair.  Hanging out with my Uncle (who, by the way, had the Victory LP and it was a PICTURE disk).  Watching MTV (when it first came out and showed videos).  Crafting a make-your-own “glove” with my cousin.  And I guess, now that Michael is gone, it feels like all those childhood moments are really gone too.. even though I know when I hear his music, I will be transported back.

Rest in Peace Michael.

 

completely addicted

John and I are completely addicted to True Blood.  We recently started watching Season One on DVD (thanks to Netflix) and we hooked after the 1st episode.  It’s just a really, really good show.

I think central to the “goodness” is the tension between Bill and Sookie; I’m not going to spoil anything here- but if you haven’t given True Blood a chance, please do!  Each episode leaves us wanting more- and some scenes are so steamy hot they leave me panting!

I’ve come to the conclusion that, until my daughter is like 8 or 9 I won’t be able to really watch and enjoy movies.  They are just too long and I’m too tired at the end of the day to watch something for over an hour.  That’s what is great with  HBO/Showtime “shows”‘ – they’re an hour long.  Just long enough for me to pay attention with major plot to keep me entertained. 

We just got back from Sesame Street Place yesterday.  We spent two days and had a blast.  Maddie really tore the place up; she went on almost all the water rides (that she was allowed to go on by law) and was obsessed with the carousel.  What’s with it with kids and rides that go in circles?  Seriously- I went on with her and was ready to spew the bucket o’popcorn I consumed while walking around the park (sooo delish by the way and super salty).  I wonder what the age is where going around in circles goes from fun to puke inducing?  Twenty?  Older? Suggestions?

By the time we got home yesterday Maddie was in full-out Satan mode.  I kid you not- take the kid out of her routine for too long and the devil overtakes her.  I was ready to call the local priest for an exorcism; she was acting like a maniac- biting me, hiting me, and LAUGHING about it!  If that isn’t demonic, I don’t know WHAT is.

She did eventually calm down and we were able to hit our local sushi spot for dinner.  Can I just pause here and say how absolutely DEPRESSING it is to eat sushi while pregnant?  I have taken to putting spicy mayo on all the cooked rolls; that is how much I crave a spicy tuna roll!

Anyway- the Sesame trip was exactly what I needed; while not exactly relaxing, it did cool me out enough so that when I woke up this morning (faced with John’s return to work, my Peri appt, etc) I did NOT freak out, but got me & Maddie together in a calm, orderly fashion.

Maybe that freak-out attack from last week did the trick!

 

insanity

After 6 months of unemployment, my husband is finally back on the job!  He started this week as a National Sales Manager for a non-alcoholic beverage manufacturer.  He’s super excited as he really wanted to get into food/consumer-packaged goods- and now he finally is!

Of course- there is always Ying-and-Yang with life.. and what was my once, looking-back-on-it, easy existence of having a house-husband (who did errands, cleaned, did laundry… how awesome is my husband, right) has been thrown helter-skelter!  The husband has to use our only car to get to work- so I am left to rely on my mother, like an 11 year old, to get rides to and from the shop.   Tuesdays and Thursdays I bring Maddie with me- as I type she’s sleeping behind me on a futon…. snug as a bug all wrapped up like a burrito under the air conditioner. 

Aside from the craziness of not having a car- and trying to figure out when to get to the supermarket, do things I need to do, etc…. I am on Maddie duty from 7:15 am until 7:00 pm (of course, 3 days a week my mom has her from 10:30 to 5:00 which is huuuuggge)…regardless, it is exhausting!

It’s hard living two worlds at once:  the full-time working woman AND the almost-full-time mom.  One or the other is tough- but both at the same time is just mind-blowing.  My house has fallen to shit and smells like a dog’s ass (God I know this sounds awful but can you just make all the pets either go to sleep and not wake up or send some Saint to adopt them?). 

By the time dinner rolls around I am too exhausted- both physically and emotionally- to even give a rat’s ass.. I’m content to feed Maddie whatever she wants and then air pop myself some popcorn and park it in front of season one of True Blood (everyone is right- it’s soooo awesome).  What? Maddie wants M&Ms and chocolate milk for dinner? At least I don’t have to turn on the stove!

I’m sure the whole situation seems even more overwhelming through my emotionally-overloaded pregnant brain…  (God help me if I even get an iota of the slight “baby blues” I got after Maddie ’cause I will seriously go ballistic).  My mom told me to “calm down” this morning as I am negatively effecting my unborn fetus with my stress and I was ready to reach over and start a cat fight…. or cry like a retard… which I did (although honestly, a cat fight would’ve at LEAST gotten rid of some of my pent up aggression.. shit).  Which made me wonder- how the fuck did she act when she was pregnant with me if I am such a basket case?  Probably the same, no?

I know, traditionally, when faced with any type of life change I have to lose my shit for a little while, have a melt down- and then I’m ok.  I’ve been like this for as long as I remember and it is just the way I deal with changes in my day-to-day life.  Is it the best way? Probably not- but I think I’m gonna need a little time to get used to this new routine- and it probably means a lot of cursing, foot stomping and deep breathing routines.

 

jam on it

Saturday marked the annual strawberry picking-jam making marathon that I do once strawberry season hits here on Long Island.  This year we went back to Fritz-Lewin Farms in Calverton; the prices are very reasonable, the field is big, and the staff is friendly.  Picking strawberries is hard work- the berries are super low to the ground and hidden amongst weeds and flowers; you really have to squat down low and move all the weeds/flowers out of the way to get to the berries.   

It took us about an hour to pick 8 quarts of berries between the 3 of us- although I’m sure Maddie ate much more than she picked (and most of the berries in her basket had bites taken out of them).

Once home, I started the jam making process.  The strawberries were so ripe, they needed to be processed into jam right away (or frozen); I didn’t see them lasting too long at all.  I used the same recipe I used last year- except this year I tweaked it with a little added lemon zest.  I use a ratio of 2:1, strawberries to sugar.  The most strawberries I recommend doing at in one batch is about 6 cups.  The full 8 quarts of strawberries yielded 13 half-pint jars of jam.

As the berries were so ripe, I found it took about 45 minutes of slow simmering for the jam to set (way longer than the 18-20 minutes suggested in the “official” recipe). Even though the jam does set- it isn’t firm like jelly- there is no added pectin in the jam, and I like the freshness of a jam with only 3 ingredients: berries, sugar, and lemon juice.  

INGREDIENTS:

• 6-7 cups of strawberries, washed, hulled, and sliced
• 2 1/2 – 3 cups of white sugar
• 1/4- 1/3 cup of fresh squeezed lemon juice
• zest of one lemon

TOOLS:

• canning pot or large stock pot fitted with a round cake cooling rack
• tongs
• 5-6 half-pint ball jars (or 2-3 pint jars) with lids & rings
• funnel
• 2 saucers (put in freezer- more on this later)
• small pot with hot water for lids

DIRECTIONS:

Combine sliced strawberries, lemon juice, zest and sugar in a large bowl and allow to macerate for two hours (I add the sugar a little at a time- makes it easier to stir together).

In saucepan bring berry mixture up to a boil and reduce heat to medium and simmer for approximately 20-45 minutes (the more ripe the fruit, the longer it will take to set).  Once set, remove from heat and allow to sit for about 4-5 minutes to allow any foam to come to the top- skim off foam prior to processing.

While the jam is simmering, wash the jars, lids, and rings in hot soapy water and get your water to a rolling boil in your stock pot.  Once boiling, I like to put the lids and jars in the boiling water for 5 minutes to make sure they’re sterile, and to bring the jars to temperature (you don’t want to put magma-hot jam in cool jars- asking for a cracking).  

To test the jam, pull one of the saucers out of the freezer and place a teaspoon of jam on the cold saucer- return to freezer for one minute.  After a minute, push the jam with your finger, if done, the surface of the jam will wrinkle.  

Once done, fill the jars with jam and process in the boiling water bath for 10 minutes.  Make sure there’s at least 1 1/2″- 2″ of water covering the jars.  Also, make sure you have the cake cooling rack, or extra jar rings, at the bottom of the pot- you don’t want the jars touching the bottom of the pot.  

Allow the jars to cool overnight.  Once cool, check the seal by pressing the lid- there should be no movement and the lid should be depressed.  If they don’t  seal properly, don’t fret- refrigerate and eat within 2 weeks (although, I will say following the above directions I’ve never once had a dud).  

I know it seems like a lot of work, but once you get the hang of it it’s very easy (and very impressive- friends and family will think you’re something out of Little House).

 

 

Nunley’s!

A few weeks ago John and I took Maddie to ride the old Nunley’s carousel.  I was so excited to see the newly restored carousel.. I spent many summer nights riding that carousel with my cousin.  It was magical- the music it played, the brightly pained horses.  Rushing to get an outside horse to reach for a ring- hoping you got the brass ring for a free ride.  I remember reaching so far I thought I’d fall off the horse!

Maddie LOVE the carousel- and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t teary eyed watching her ride something I rode when I was her age… .

 

I’m coming out…

Of the pregnancy closet.  Of course, most of my family and closest family members already know… we aren’t really able to keep secrets, but I wanted to wait to come out on the blog until 12 weeks.

This morning John & I went in for the NT scan and thank God everything is looking normal.  We are due December 13th but will more than likely go a week early for a repeat c-section.

Since I did blog a few times regarding my fertility issues, I will share with you what worked this cycle vs. all the others. 

This last successful cycle I was on 1500 mg of Metformin to regulate my sugars and help egg quality. By the time I ovulated, I was about 3 months into taking the Metformin.  I say this as Metformin does have cumulative effects (or so I was told).  In addition to the Metformin, I was on Metanx- a “medical food” of folic acid, B6 and B12 vitamins.  Apparently, people with the blood clotting disorders I have are unable to convert synthetic folates into active folates that can be used by the body.  Metanx is an active folate.. and, lucky for me, not covered by insurance!

Of course, I cannot forget the Lovenox blood thinners, which I am still on, and which I fully attribute this cycle’s success on.  I will not lie- the Lovenox is a real bitch-the shots are progressively getting worse.. more and more painful and this morning I had to resort to icing down my stomach before injecting.  If the shots DO keep this baby healthy, then the shots are worth it.

To round out the pills- I also took a baby asprin and a pre-natal vitamin (the perinatologist just also added 1000mg of calcium… which are horse pills- sooo lucky).

This cycle I triggered on cycle day 11 and had two back-to-back AM IUIs on day 12 and 13.  I know I ovulated on day 13 (thanks to ovulation pain) so we “did the deed” that evening (I also noticed a lot of egg-white cervical mucus.. TMI I know).  I had two good sized follies on my left side and I was super nervous for twins.

The Monday before my first Beta I had brown and light pink spotting and cramping in my upper thighs (exactly mirroring normal pre-period cramps).  I really thought I was out and had a minor hissy fit, exclaiming that I was not going to go on with the treatments as it was negatively effecting my emotional state (which, it really was- props to all the ladies out there that have to do WAY more to get pregnant).  When I went in for the Beta that Wednesday morning, I fully expected to be “out” and was way surprised when the doc called and said it was positive.

My Betas went up nicely and I was released from my RE around 7 1/2 weeks to an Ob/GYN and a perinatologist that I am seeing every 2 weeks to monitor blood flow and potential clots.

I want to send a HUGE thanks and shout out to Dr. Braverman, the man that found all my issues and got me preggers… if you need a fert doc and live on Long Island, I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend him… his website is www.haveababy.com.

Without further ado- a sonogram from this morning:

 

musings of an insomniac

When I was a little girl, it seemed my great-grandmother never slept.  You could barely whisper “grandma” in the night, and she would answer you right away, not a hint of sleep in her voice.  It was actually a running family joke; great-grandma, I’m sure, foiled many a late-night sneak-in for my mother, aunts and uncles. 

All these years later, who would have thought that great-grandma’s constant state of near-awake coherence is actually a family trait with mid-life onset.  My grandmother, my mother, and now me… we all have this problem. 

I bring this up because lately, especially, it seems like I’ve been sleeping with one eye open.  The mere chirp of a pre-dawn robin is enough to blast my eyes open and sentence me for 2 hours of pre-dawn pondering.

That’s what happened this morning, one of the cats jumped in the bed and it was enough to send me into some type of life analysis… never a good thing at 4am.  This morning’s topic?  Stewardship.  I was thinking about stewardship because it’s been the running theme of the past few week’s homilies at church. 

One website states:  

The word “stewardship” refers to the Catholic approach to the gifts that God has bestowed upon us.  Stewardship is living out a commitment to be Christ-centered rather than self-centered.  Profound gratitude, justice and love become the fundamental motives for giving back to God.

 

Now, I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty heavy stuff… isn’t it human nature to be self-centered?  Or, if not self-centered, at least family-centered, or maybe work-centered?  But Christ-centered?  I’m not sure I even know how to DO that! 

 

I wonder, does raising a family count as giving back to God?  Or how about going to church?  How much is enough?  Does God measure these things, is there a minimum you can do to get by?  I was thinking of maybe starting a new-mother support group at church- just get a bunch of moms together to talk- to stay connected with other moms and maybe not feel so burnt-out or crazy.

 

Whether any of this stuff comes to fruition isn’t even the point- the point is- this is what I was thinking about at 4am.  Nothing stupid like whether Jon & Kate are going to stay together or not.. no.. the nature of pleasing God.  Where does this stuff come from?