Dina in suburbia

When I was a little girl, it seemed my great-grandmother never slept.  You could barely whisper “grandma” in the night, and she would answer you right away, not a hint of sleep in her voice.  It was actually a running family joke; great-grandma, I’m sure, foiled many a late-night sneak-in for my mother, aunts and uncles. 

All these years later, who would have thought that great-grandma’s constant state of near-awake coherence is actually a family trait with mid-life onset.  My grandmother, my mother, and now me… we all have this problem. 

I bring this up because lately, especially, it seems like I’ve been sleeping with one eye open.  The mere chirp of a pre-dawn robin is enough to blast my eyes open and sentence me for 2 hours of pre-dawn pondering.

That’s what happened this morning, one of the cats jumped in the bed and it was enough to send me into some type of life analysis… never a good thing at 4am.  This morning’s topic?  Stewardship.  I was thinking about stewardship because it’s been the running theme of the past few week’s homilies at church. 

One website states:  

The word “stewardship” refers to the Catholic approach to the gifts that God has bestowed upon us.  Stewardship is living out a commitment to be Christ-centered rather than self-centered.  Profound gratitude, justice and love become the fundamental motives for giving back to God.

Now, I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty heavy stuff… isn’t it human nature to be self-centered?  Or, if not self-centered, at least family-centered, or maybe work-centered?  But Christ-centered?  I’m not sure I even know how to DO that! 

I wonder, does raising a family count as giving back to God?  Or how about going to church?  How much is enough?  Does God measure these things, is there a minimum you can do to get by?  I was thinking of maybe starting a new-mother support group at church- just get a bunch of moms together to talk- to stay connected with other moms and maybe not feel so burnt-out or crazy.

Whether any of this stuff comes to fruition isn’t even the point- the point is- this is what I was thinking about at 4am.  Nothing stupid like whether Jon & Kate are going to stay together or not.. no.. the nature of pleasing God.  Where does this stuff come from?

The canning season is fast approaching.  Soon strawberry season will be here and I will spend a few blissful days making homemade, sticky jam.  There is still a lot to do- mainly, buy some mason jars- which are pretty hard to come by these parts.. ’cause lets face it Long Island is sooo not the country (well, at least not my part of Long Island).

I’m super excited to try out the new canning set I received as a Christmas gift from my mom…. my first time canning with proper equipment and not some cheap-o pot from Odd Lots (which leaked all over from the rivets if I processed too much at a time). 

Just in case you think I’m an old fashioned coot, there’s an article on canning in today’s New York Times.  Apparently, canning has made a come back.

Check it out here

I would be lying if I said we weren’t going through a tough, stressful time.  John’s job prospects aren’t looking great, although in his defense he has gotten WAY more interviews and response to his resume than many other laid-off people that I know.  The job market, and the economy in general, is just really, really slow.

Every once in a while the sense of panic starts creeping up and over takes me.  I really try to stay calm, because lets face it- having an anxiety attack isn’t going to solve anything.  But then I look at John, and I look at Maddie, and I know we are going to be OK.  We are going to come through this, and when we get to the other side, our marriage and our family is going to be stronger.

With that said, it really pisses me off when family members talk smack about my husband and my family.  If anything, they should be jealous- my husband never fails to help out- he is kind, generous, and caring.  He is self aware and completely selfless.  He does laundry and the dishes for goodness sakes!  He gives as much time to Maddie as he possible can without going insane.  So when I hear that certain family members of mine are suggesting he might not be looking for a job hard enough (when, in fact, his job IS looking for a job) or that he should take a job bagging at the supermarket… it pisses me off. 

It pisses me off AND depresses me, because families should build each other up and be there for each other.. not pull each other down.

I can’t wait until we come through this and prove all these haters wrong… then they’ll all be super jealous.

Had our first almost-major crisis last night.  Maddie decided to ride her bike inside the house sans-helmet.  Okay, so not great parenting, I know- but damn it- she just jumped onto the bike and took off popping wheelies and doing donuts!  Alright, maybe she wasn’t popping and wheelies, but she was riding around in circles like a lunatic.

I’m trying to mind my own business and settle in for American Idol and I hear her crying…. I scooped her up into my arms and she buried her head in my chest.  I didn’t realize her eyebrow was gushing blood until about 2 minutes later.  She had a pretty nasty cut and I immediately feared a 4-hour emergency room visit was in our future.

Of course, with all the swine flu drama going on, I didn’t want to sit in the emergency room, nor did I want my husband or daughter sitting in it either- go in needing a stitch, come out needing some major medication.  Yuck.

Not knowing what to do, I called my mom- freaked out and brought my slightly- bleeding kid into the bar area of a local, rather fancy restaurant.. she was still wearing a tutu- I’m sure the patrons thought I was the local nut-job!  At that point, the cut stopped bleeding, and we all agreed a butterfly bandage and some chocolate would be better than stitches and whatever else the hospital would want to do with her (catscan?  who knows).

So, here’s my little girl with her butterfly “bandy”…. that’s enough drama for my week!

Mylittle (22-year-old) brother has decided he wants to lease an apartment with his (21-year-old) girlfriend.  An error on so many levels, I find it frustrating that my father isn’t, “seeing the light” on this one.  Maybe it’s because he (my father) already has too much on his plate: running a business in these difficult economic times being his primary concern.  I just keep having this nagging feeling that throwing up ones hands and saying, “he’s 22 he’s going to do what he wants” is such a major parental cop-out and a pretty good example of how not to parent.

Of course, I think at 22 my lil’ bro SHOULD be moving out of the house.. SHOULD be paying his own bills.  It’s about time he puts on his big boy panties and ditches the underoos.. but honestly, this isn’t really something he financially can do or is emotionally prepared to do.  When faced with the argument that he should not move in with his girlfriend his argument in support is juvenile..  eventually sounding like my daughter whining for some type of Disney princess doll (I waaannnnt it, I don’t caarrrreee).  Seriously, if you want to do something that others think is unwise, maybe you should be able to put together a sound argument in your favor instead of sounding like a petulant child!

I hope that my brother doesn’t crash and burn here.  That he continues with his schooling and doesn’t let it fall by the wayside in order to afford his share of the rent.  I WANT him to succeed… I just wish it wasn’t co-habitating with a girl.

Of course, I’m totally against living together before marriage- not for religious reasons- but for relationship reasons.  Living with your partner before marriage complicates things.  It adds a whole other layer to the relationship that doesn’t need to be there prior to the ultimate commitment.  In addition, it probably drags out relationships that would have fizzled if the two parties didn’t co-habitate in the first place. 

It has become WAY too hard to not get all “parental” on my siblings.  There is just a HUGE age difference between us… but I think the whole difference was compounded when Maddie was born- throwing me into a different realm of life reality, my life’s focus is really on Maddie and our family.  I know it isn’t fair of me to parent them.. but it is almost like I can’t help it.  I’ve been there!  I can see the mistakes a mile away.  And while I totally understand that they do need to make their own mistakes- I can’t help but want to warn them and shield them. 

This stuff is hard.. there is no rule book or instruction book- I wish there was!  I guess I just have to sit back and see what happens, and not get so worked up about it all!

Our insurance is finally back up!  I cannot tell you how excited and relieved I am and how much I empathize with people who do not have health insurance.  It’s a horrible, vulnerable situation.  I cannot believe that a country with our wealth (yes, even in this recession) does not have government sponsored health care. It is absolutely ridiculous. 

I will say that the staff at Blue Cross Blue Shield were super helpful in getting us back up and running, and that they processed all the claims that were denied over the phone with me.  They were compassionate and caring.  Equally helpful was my associate at Caremark (our prescription plan).  They got me receipts for the meds I paid out of pocket for and made good on their promise to email me a follow up.

Hopefully we can get reimbursed for out of pocket expenses ASAP (I’m scared to see my next AmEx bill).

This weekend we enjoyed the seemingly 20 minute break in rain by heading over to the the Lindenhurst May carnival.  We always try to expose Maddie to the finest… carny-folk being no exception.  Our favorite was the overly enthusiastic middle-aged woman, with a borderline special-ed IQ, that tried to get the kiddies “fired up” to ride the mini coaster.  ”Are you ready to ride?” she screamed at the little 3 and 4 year olds… they just looked at her blinking, and slightly afraid.  It was quite amusing, although I think the whole scene made Maddie swear-off the ride.

The only ride she WOULD go on was the cars.. YOU know those cars.  They’re probably the same ones they had at Nunley’s back in the day (sigh- how I miss going to Nunley’s and riding the carousel and trying to reach the brass ring).  No exaggeration though, the ride has to be from the ’60s- all the cars are super duper old school styled.   At first, Maddie didn’t want to go on the ride- she’d walk over to a car, we’d try to pop her in, and she’d go all stiff.  I love when she does that, really- it’s just so fulfilling… and it makes me feel so competent as a parent- especially when others are watching.  She did this about 2 times until another little girl let her sit with her, so she didn’t feel so alone.   After that, she wasn’t getting off, and proceeded to go around another 5 times… and she didn’t barf.  Wooohooo!

In other notable news, Maddie had her first bike wipe-out this weekend.  I don’t know what was worse- the fact that she wiped out, or the fact that I actually snapped a picture of the first wipe-out.  Of course, it totally runs in the family- laughing at other people when they fall… so I thought I’d save this one for the record books.

Come on… how cute is that curled out bottom lip.  Can you just die?  It is the same “major cry face” she’s made since out of the womb.  I wonder, is this the same “major cry face” she’ll make when faced with her first major disappointment?  (Boyfriend dumpage?  Fired from a job?  Or- mom and dad telling her she needs a job if she wants a car?  ha!)

Never fear- she cheered up right away- and I promise- I did go RIGHT to her after a few camera clicks- check out those dimples.