completely addicted

John and I are completely addicted to True Blood.  We recently started watching Season One on DVD (thanks to Netflix) and we hooked after the 1st episode.  It’s just a really, really good show.

I think central to the “goodness” is the tension between Bill and Sookie; I’m not going to spoil anything here- but if you haven’t given True Blood a chance, please do!  Each episode leaves us wanting more- and some scenes are so steamy hot they leave me panting!

I’ve come to the conclusion that, until my daughter is like 8 or 9 I won’t be able to really watch and enjoy movies.  They are just too long and I’m too tired at the end of the day to watch something for over an hour.  That’s what is great with  HBO/Showtime “shows”‘ – they’re an hour long.  Just long enough for me to pay attention with major plot to keep me entertained. 

We just got back from Sesame Street Place yesterday.  We spent two days and had a blast.  Maddie really tore the place up; she went on almost all the water rides (that she was allowed to go on by law) and was obsessed with the carousel.  What’s with it with kids and rides that go in circles?  Seriously- I went on with her and was ready to spew the bucket o’popcorn I consumed while walking around the park (sooo delish by the way and super salty).  I wonder what the age is where going around in circles goes from fun to puke inducing?  Twenty?  Older? Suggestions?

By the time we got home yesterday Maddie was in full-out Satan mode.  I kid you not- take the kid out of her routine for too long and the devil overtakes her.  I was ready to call the local priest for an exorcism; she was acting like a maniac- biting me, hiting me, and LAUGHING about it!  If that isn’t demonic, I don’t know WHAT is.

She did eventually calm down and we were able to hit our local sushi spot for dinner.  Can I just pause here and say how absolutely DEPRESSING it is to eat sushi while pregnant?  I have taken to putting spicy mayo on all the cooked rolls; that is how much I crave a spicy tuna roll!

Anyway- the Sesame trip was exactly what I needed; while not exactly relaxing, it did cool me out enough so that when I woke up this morning (faced with John’s return to work, my Peri appt, etc) I did NOT freak out, but got me & Maddie together in a calm, orderly fashion.

Maybe that freak-out attack from last week did the trick!

 

insanity

After 6 months of unemployment, my husband is finally back on the job!  He started this week as a National Sales Manager for a non-alcoholic beverage manufacturer.  He’s super excited as he really wanted to get into food/consumer-packaged goods- and now he finally is!

Of course- there is always Ying-and-Yang with life.. and what was my once, looking-back-on-it, easy existence of having a house-husband (who did errands, cleaned, did laundry… how awesome is my husband, right) has been thrown helter-skelter!  The husband has to use our only car to get to work- so I am left to rely on my mother, like an 11 year old, to get rides to and from the shop.   Tuesdays and Thursdays I bring Maddie with me- as I type she’s sleeping behind me on a futon…. snug as a bug all wrapped up like a burrito under the air conditioner. 

Aside from the craziness of not having a car- and trying to figure out when to get to the supermarket, do things I need to do, etc…. I am on Maddie duty from 7:15 am until 7:00 pm (of course, 3 days a week my mom has her from 10:30 to 5:00 which is huuuuggge)…regardless, it is exhausting!

It’s hard living two worlds at once:  the full-time working woman AND the almost-full-time mom.  One or the other is tough- but both at the same time is just mind-blowing.  My house has fallen to shit and smells like a dog’s ass (God I know this sounds awful but can you just make all the pets either go to sleep and not wake up or send some Saint to adopt them?). 

By the time dinner rolls around I am too exhausted- both physically and emotionally- to even give a rat’s ass.. I’m content to feed Maddie whatever she wants and then air pop myself some popcorn and park it in front of season one of True Blood (everyone is right- it’s soooo awesome).  What? Maddie wants M&Ms and chocolate milk for dinner? At least I don’t have to turn on the stove!

I’m sure the whole situation seems even more overwhelming through my emotionally-overloaded pregnant brain…  (God help me if I even get an iota of the slight “baby blues” I got after Maddie ’cause I will seriously go ballistic).  My mom told me to “calm down” this morning as I am negatively effecting my unborn fetus with my stress and I was ready to reach over and start a cat fight…. or cry like a retard… which I did (although honestly, a cat fight would’ve at LEAST gotten rid of some of my pent up aggression.. shit).  Which made me wonder- how the fuck did she act when she was pregnant with me if I am such a basket case?  Probably the same, no?

I know, traditionally, when faced with any type of life change I have to lose my shit for a little while, have a melt down- and then I’m ok.  I’ve been like this for as long as I remember and it is just the way I deal with changes in my day-to-day life.  Is it the best way? Probably not- but I think I’m gonna need a little time to get used to this new routine- and it probably means a lot of cursing, foot stomping and deep breathing routines.

 

jam on it

Saturday marked the annual strawberry picking-jam making marathon that I do once strawberry season hits here on Long Island.  This year we went back to Fritz-Lewin Farms in Calverton; the prices are very reasonable, the field is big, and the staff is friendly.  Picking strawberries is hard work- the berries are super low to the ground and hidden amongst weeds and flowers; you really have to squat down low and move all the weeds/flowers out of the way to get to the berries.   

It took us about an hour to pick 8 quarts of berries between the 3 of us- although I’m sure Maddie ate much more than she picked (and most of the berries in her basket had bites taken out of them).

Once home, I started the jam making process.  The strawberries were so ripe, they needed to be processed into jam right away (or frozen); I didn’t see them lasting too long at all.  I used the same recipe I used last year- except this year I tweaked it with a little added lemon zest.  I use a ratio of 2:1, strawberries to sugar.  The most strawberries I recommend doing at in one batch is about 6 cups.  The full 8 quarts of strawberries yielded 13 half-pint jars of jam.

As the berries were so ripe, I found it took about 45 minutes of slow simmering for the jam to set (way longer than the 18-20 minutes suggested in the “official” recipe). Even though the jam does set- it isn’t firm like jelly- there is no added pectin in the jam, and I like the freshness of a jam with only 3 ingredients: berries, sugar, and lemon juice.  

INGREDIENTS:

• 6-7 cups of strawberries, washed, hulled, and sliced
• 2 1/2 – 3 cups of white sugar
• 1/4- 1/3 cup of fresh squeezed lemon juice
• zest of one lemon

TOOLS:

• canning pot or large stock pot fitted with a round cake cooling rack
• tongs
• 5-6 half-pint ball jars (or 2-3 pint jars) with lids & rings
• funnel
• 2 saucers (put in freezer- more on this later)
• small pot with hot water for lids

DIRECTIONS:

Combine sliced strawberries, lemon juice, zest and sugar in a large bowl and allow to macerate for two hours (I add the sugar a little at a time- makes it easier to stir together).

In saucepan bring berry mixture up to a boil and reduce heat to medium and simmer for approximately 20-45 minutes (the more ripe the fruit, the longer it will take to set).  Once set, remove from heat and allow to sit for about 4-5 minutes to allow any foam to come to the top- skim off foam prior to processing.

While the jam is simmering, wash the jars, lids, and rings in hot soapy water and get your water to a rolling boil in your stock pot.  Once boiling, I like to put the lids and jars in the boiling water for 5 minutes to make sure they’re sterile, and to bring the jars to temperature (you don’t want to put magma-hot jam in cool jars- asking for a cracking).  

To test the jam, pull one of the saucers out of the freezer and place a teaspoon of jam on the cold saucer- return to freezer for one minute.  After a minute, push the jam with your finger, if done, the surface of the jam will wrinkle.  

Once done, fill the jars with jam and process in the boiling water bath for 10 minutes.  Make sure there’s at least 1 1/2″- 2″ of water covering the jars.  Also, make sure you have the cake cooling rack, or extra jar rings, at the bottom of the pot- you don’t want the jars touching the bottom of the pot.  

Allow the jars to cool overnight.  Once cool, check the seal by pressing the lid- there should be no movement and the lid should be depressed.  If they don’t  seal properly, don’t fret- refrigerate and eat within 2 weeks (although, I will say following the above directions I’ve never once had a dud).  

I know it seems like a lot of work, but once you get the hang of it it’s very easy (and very impressive- friends and family will think you’re something out of Little House).

 

 

Nunley’s!

A few weeks ago John and I took Maddie to ride the old Nunley’s carousel.  I was so excited to see the newly restored carousel.. I spent many summer nights riding that carousel with my cousin.  It was magical- the music it played, the brightly pained horses.  Rushing to get an outside horse to reach for a ring- hoping you got the brass ring for a free ride.  I remember reaching so far I thought I’d fall off the horse!

Maddie LOVE the carousel- and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t teary eyed watching her ride something I rode when I was her age… .

 

I’m coming out…

Of the pregnancy closet.  Of course, most of my family and closest family members already know… we aren’t really able to keep secrets, but I wanted to wait to come out on the blog until 12 weeks.

This morning John & I went in for the NT scan and thank God everything is looking normal.  We are due December 13th but will more than likely go a week early for a repeat c-section.

Since I did blog a few times regarding my fertility issues, I will share with you what worked this cycle vs. all the others. 

This last successful cycle I was on 1500 mg of Metformin to regulate my sugars and help egg quality. By the time I ovulated, I was about 3 months into taking the Metformin.  I say this as Metformin does have cumulative effects (or so I was told).  In addition to the Metformin, I was on Metanx- a “medical food” of folic acid, B6 and B12 vitamins.  Apparently, people with the blood clotting disorders I have are unable to convert synthetic folates into active folates that can be used by the body.  Metanx is an active folate.. and, lucky for me, not covered by insurance!

Of course, I cannot forget the Lovenox blood thinners, which I am still on, and which I fully attribute this cycle’s success on.  I will not lie- the Lovenox is a real bitch-the shots are progressively getting worse.. more and more painful and this morning I had to resort to icing down my stomach before injecting.  If the shots DO keep this baby healthy, then the shots are worth it.

To round out the pills- I also took a baby asprin and a pre-natal vitamin (the perinatologist just also added 1000mg of calcium… which are horse pills- sooo lucky).

This cycle I triggered on cycle day 11 and had two back-to-back AM IUIs on day 12 and 13.  I know I ovulated on day 13 (thanks to ovulation pain) so we “did the deed” that evening (I also noticed a lot of egg-white cervical mucus.. TMI I know).  I had two good sized follies on my left side and I was super nervous for twins.

The Monday before my first Beta I had brown and light pink spotting and cramping in my upper thighs (exactly mirroring normal pre-period cramps).  I really thought I was out and had a minor hissy fit, exclaiming that I was not going to go on with the treatments as it was negatively effecting my emotional state (which, it really was- props to all the ladies out there that have to do WAY more to get pregnant).  When I went in for the Beta that Wednesday morning, I fully expected to be “out” and was way surprised when the doc called and said it was positive.

My Betas went up nicely and I was released from my RE around 7 1/2 weeks to an Ob/GYN and a perinatologist that I am seeing every 2 weeks to monitor blood flow and potential clots.

I want to send a HUGE thanks and shout out to Dr. Braverman, the man that found all my issues and got me preggers… if you need a fert doc and live on Long Island, I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend him… his website is www.haveababy.com.

Without further ado- a sonogram from this morning:

 

musings of an insomniac

When I was a little girl, it seemed my great-grandmother never slept.  You could barely whisper “grandma” in the night, and she would answer you right away, not a hint of sleep in her voice.  It was actually a running family joke; great-grandma, I’m sure, foiled many a late-night sneak-in for my mother, aunts and uncles. 

All these years later, who would have thought that great-grandma’s constant state of near-awake coherence is actually a family trait with mid-life onset.  My grandmother, my mother, and now me… we all have this problem. 

I bring this up because lately, especially, it seems like I’ve been sleeping with one eye open.  The mere chirp of a pre-dawn robin is enough to blast my eyes open and sentence me for 2 hours of pre-dawn pondering.

That’s what happened this morning, one of the cats jumped in the bed and it was enough to send me into some type of life analysis… never a good thing at 4am.  This morning’s topic?  Stewardship.  I was thinking about stewardship because it’s been the running theme of the past few week’s homilies at church. 

One website states:  

The word “stewardship” refers to the Catholic approach to the gifts that God has bestowed upon us.  Stewardship is living out a commitment to be Christ-centered rather than self-centered.  Profound gratitude, justice and love become the fundamental motives for giving back to God.

 

Now, I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty heavy stuff… isn’t it human nature to be self-centered?  Or, if not self-centered, at least family-centered, or maybe work-centered?  But Christ-centered?  I’m not sure I even know how to DO that! 

 

I wonder, does raising a family count as giving back to God?  Or how about going to church?  How much is enough?  Does God measure these things, is there a minimum you can do to get by?  I was thinking of maybe starting a new-mother support group at church- just get a bunch of moms together to talk- to stay connected with other moms and maybe not feel so burnt-out or crazy.

 

Whether any of this stuff comes to fruition isn’t even the point- the point is- this is what I was thinking about at 4am.  Nothing stupid like whether Jon & Kate are going to stay together or not.. no.. the nature of pleasing God.  Where does this stuff come from?

 

lets get ready to can!

The canning season is fast approaching.  Soon strawberry season will be here and I will spend a few blissful days making homemade, sticky jam.  There is still a lot to do- mainly, buy some mason jars- which are pretty hard to come by these parts.. ’cause lets face it Long Island is sooo not the country (well, at least not my part of Long Island).

I’m super excited to try out the new canning set I received as a Christmas gift from my mom…. my first time canning with proper equipment and not some cheap-o pot from Odd Lots (which leaked all over from the rivets if I processed too much at a time). 

Just in case you think I’m an old fashioned coot, there’s an article on canning in today’s New York Times.  Apparently, canning has made a come back.

Check it out here

 

haters

I would be lying if I said we weren’t going through a tough, stressful time.  John’s job prospects aren’t looking great, although in his defense he has gotten WAY more interviews and response to his resume than many other laid-off people that I know.  The job market, and the economy in general, is just really, really slow.

Every once in a while the sense of panic starts creeping up and over takes me.  I really try to stay calm, because lets face it- having an anxiety attack isn’t going to solve anything.  But then I look at John, and I look at Maddie, and I know we are going to be OK.  We are going to come through this, and when we get to the other side, our marriage and our family is going to be stronger.

With that said, it really pisses me off when family members talk smack about my husband and my family.  If anything, they should be jealous- my husband never fails to help out- he is kind, generous, and caring.  He is self aware and completely selfless.  He does laundry and the dishes for goodness sakes!  He gives as much time to Maddie as he possible can without going insane.  So when I hear that certain family members of mine are suggesting he might not be looking for a job hard enough (when, in fact, his job IS looking for a job) or that he should take a job bagging at the supermarket… it pisses me off. 

It pisses me off AND depresses me, because families should build each other up and be there for each other.. not pull each other down.

I can’t wait until we come through this and prove all these haters wrong… then they’ll all be super jealous.

 

disaster avoided

Had our first almost-major crisis last night.  Maddie decided to ride her bike inside the house sans-helmet.  Okay, so not great parenting, I know- but damn it- she just jumped onto the bike and took off popping wheelies and doing donuts!  Alright, maybe she wasn’t popping and wheelies, but she was riding around in circles like a lunatic.

I’m trying to mind my own business and settle in for American Idol and I hear her crying…. I scooped her up into my arms and she buried her head in my chest.  I didn’t realize her eyebrow was gushing blood until about 2 minutes later.  She had a pretty nasty cut and I immediately feared a 4-hour emergency room visit was in our future.

Of course, with all the swine flu drama going on, I didn’t want to sit in the emergency room, nor did I want my husband or daughter sitting in it either- go in needing a stitch, come out needing some major medication.  Yuck.

Not knowing what to do, I called my mom- freaked out and brought my slightly- bleeding kid into the bar area of a local, rather fancy restaurant.. she was still wearing a tutu- I’m sure the patrons thought I was the local nut-job!  At that point, the cut stopped bleeding, and we all agreed a butterfly bandage and some chocolate would be better than stitches and whatever else the hospital would want to do with her (catscan?  who knows).

So, here’s my little girl with her butterfly “bandy”…. that’s enough drama for my week!

 

Living Together…

Mylittle (22-year-old) brother has decided he wants to lease an apartment with his (21-year-old) girlfriend.  An error on so many levels, I find it frustrating that my father isn’t, “seeing the light” on this one.  Maybe it’s because he (my father) already has too much on his plate: running a business in these difficult economic times being his primary concern.  I just keep having this nagging feeling that throwing up ones hands and saying, “he’s 22 he’s going to do what he wants” is such a major parental cop-out and a pretty good example of how not to parent.

Of course, I think at 22 my lil’ bro SHOULD be moving out of the house.. SHOULD be paying his own bills.  It’s about time he puts on his big boy panties and ditches the underoos.. but honestly, this isn’t really something he financially can do or is emotionally prepared to do.  When faced with the argument that he should not move in with his girlfriend his argument in support is juvenile..  eventually sounding like my daughter whining for some type of Disney princess doll (I waaannnnt it, I don’t caarrrreee).  Seriously, if you want to do something that others think is unwise, maybe you should be able to put together a sound argument in your favor instead of sounding like a petulant child!

I hope that my brother doesn’t crash and burn here.  That he continues with his schooling and doesn’t let it fall by the wayside in order to afford his share of the rent.  I WANT him to succeed… I just wish it wasn’t co-habitating with a girl.

Of course, I’m totally against living together before marriage- not for religious reasons- but for relationship reasons.  Living with your partner before marriage complicates things.  It adds a whole other layer to the relationship that doesn’t need to be there prior to the ultimate commitment.  In addition, it probably drags out relationships that would have fizzled if the two parties didn’t co-habitate in the first place. 

It has become WAY too hard to not get all “parental” on my siblings.  There is just a HUGE age difference between us… but I think the whole difference was compounded when Maddie was born- throwing me into a different realm of life reality, my life’s focus is really on Maddie and our family.  I know it isn’t fair of me to parent them.. but it is almost like I can’t help it.  I’ve been there!  I can see the mistakes a mile away.  And while I totally understand that they do need to make their own mistakes- I can’t help but want to warn them and shield them. 

This stuff is hard.. there is no rule book or instruction book- I wish there was!  I guess I just have to sit back and see what happens, and not get so worked up about it all!